“Married-In”

by Jeff Strese

It’s not easy marrying into a family business. Even the term “married-in” sounds like a term for outsiders and interlopers. How can you be a part of a family and maintain your independence?

Here are some thoughts on developing your own narrative.

• Start with curiosity: When it comes to understanding the complexities of marrying into a wealthy family, it can be overwhelming. You may be feeling unprepared, as if the playing field isn’t level. By asking questions in a respectful, yet assertive way, you’ll grow confident over time and develop your own unique voice in the family.

• Get premarital couples counseling or coaching: Before the lawyers start presenting the prenuptial agreements, engage a premarital counselor or coach to help you and your soon-to-be spouse build a solid base of communication and decision-making norms. You may think that things are hunky dory because you’re in love, but when money decisions come into focus, it can often derail a couple’s ability to handle the pressure and expectations that come with marrying into a wealthy family.

• Seek to understand the family’s structures: From trust and estate plans to family business and governance structures, learn as much as you can on the front end so you can develop a point of view. If the family doesn’t have a formal onboarding program for married-ins, suggest they pilot a program with your input.

• Keep your identity: Healthy marriages are built on interdependence. Continue to pursue your personal goals while learning how to merge with your spouse’s goals. Be clear about whether you want to be involved in the family’s business or governance structures. It’s OK to stay neutral and explore until you get your bearings.

• Develop your own narrative: How you describe things is an extension of your identity. Develop a comfortable way to talk about wealth and what it means to you and your future.